Safety Modes

We invent ways to give us the illusion of coping and being safe but often these remove our ability to be authentic. In the explanations below you may recognise the ways in which you create your own sense of safety. Your ‘safety modes’, also known as anxiety responses.

Control

Creating an environment both internally and externally over which you have control. Externally this could mean that you are manipulative of others, pushing them to do what you want them to do. You may stamp out difficult situations; you may be authoritative or insist that you are in the right. Internally this could mean you suppress your emotional thoughts, stubbornly refuse to acknowledge them or as a friend used to say ‘socks up and chest out’. However, you look at this ‘safety mode’ it represses you and those around you.

Isolation

Hide! This thought often runs through your mind when faced with discomfort in any setting. Physically you’ll look for an exit point such as a nearby door or psychologically, ‘I’ll behave very small and quiet, no one will see me so I don’t need to talk to anyone.’ Sometimes these thoughts appear before going to an event so you will create a reason not to go or bargain with yourself to only stay an hour. Whatever way you respond the effect is often, limiting your choice, shrinking your voice and pinching your energy.

Procrastination

We all ‘drag our feet’ from time to time particularly if it’s something dull but necessary. In situations which will benefit you in the long run, such as doing your homework, it can be a ‘safety mode’. Distraction can help us avoid facing difficulty and discomfort. We make a list of things we need to do and that one thing, whatever it is, that we want to avoid will probably be on the list. Does that one thing get done or does it end up at the bottom of the list, undone? Whilst it takes a lot of mental agility to procrastinate it doesn’t help you to grow and develop. There’s no gold medal in procrastination!

Pleasing

Looking out for others is kind and thoughtful however if you believe the only way other people’s acceptance is when you are prioritising their needs before your own this can be personally harmful and debilitating. Identifying the difference between kind support and pleasing in order to be liked may seem obvious however when it is a well-rehearsed ‘safety mode’ it might be harder to call it out. Ask yourself ‘am I hypervigilant to other people’s reactions’ and ‘am I changing how I am so I’ll be liked’? If you are often thinking ‘outwards’ and of others then feel persecuted if someone blanks you or gives you a discouraging look then you are probably in pleasing ‘safety mode’.

All ‘safety modes’ strongly link to our amygdala, the ancient part of the brain that has the fight – flight – freeze response, which serves you well when you face a rampaging tiger but is not as useful in other situations. So, it’s not to your fault you feel and behave like this but it is your area for growth. You can learn to overcome or manage these instinctive ‘safety modes’ when they’re not serving you. It may surprise you to know that we can cope better with difficulty and discomfort than we think we can and risking discomfort is the way to personal growth and a richer life.